well well, i haven't updated for quite some time now.. nothing is new, same old thing. in terms of work i could say i've had enough of the politics and backstabbing. it's not that there are rumors about me that i can hear. but you know the feeling like you know people are talking behind your back and could tell it by their looks and gestures? i don't wanna be paranoid or something. and the hell i care to those people who'd try to ruin my day.. and i'm talking in general as i know i'm not the type who would waste time with non-sense stuffs. but still it depends on the person. just like how it saddens me to see how the once solid friendship falls apart. i don't even want to recall or think how it started but damn, you're dealing with them every single fuckin day of your life. and do they have idea how hard the situation is for me..

and to make things clear. i have this friend in the office who they don't like. as i've said we all used to be friends but it came to a point that they no longer want everything that my friend's doing with her life. and i agree with what they're saying. however, not knowing what to do and where to go, i have found myself in a dilemma to choose between them and my friend. well, it's not like i've chosen to stay with her because as much as possible i'm trying to keep the bond i've made with each one of them. i'm hoping that, if not at this time, things will turn out fine in God's own time. but if not, guess i would have to deal with things in the most civilized manner possible. i know i'm not being an asshole choosing her over them coz even so, i still make it a point to make her understand the things she ought to know which aren't suppose to come from anyone else but her. i know she's been through a lotta shit and i don't know how to go through it all if it happens to me (which i hope not). and what do you know, eden is so fuckin stubborn ugh! but i love her though and i feel like she's my responsibility. it would be so miserable caught up in a situation where you realize everyone's left you and you're nowhere to go.

i'm trying to do what i know is right. and i do things for certain reasons. not that i'll tolerate you when you fuck up or mess with your life. i'm gonna lead you to where you should go though not to the point of controlling you. even in any relationships or in marriage, you are one; still two different personalities. they have life, you have your own either. same goes with friendship.. anyone can kill me now for blabbing these damn things for i always say i'm not a good friend. and i know that, really.. but we do define that word differently. well anyway, enough of that.. it's pretty late now and i should be sleeping but it seems i want to write more. uh lemme see.. oh, when i got home this morning, i saw a pussy cat (lol) outside our door and she doesn't have a right eye. i wanted to pick her up and hold her in my arms but i scared her and went away. then i put some foods i had with me on the floor. i left the door open, had my clothes changed, and after awhile i saw her eating the food i left. i don't know why but i was so touched i even cried. maybe i missed crying. i haven't cried for such a long time and sometimes it feels good. there are some things and people in my life that i also misss. one was crying.. i miss my family, it feels so empty now.. my dad, which i haven't seen for so long now. he didn't celebrate chistmas and new year with us. i miss my sister, i should bond with her this weekend. that is if she doesn't have any plans with her bf. lol.. i miss my cousins, my old friends. i didn't see joey the last time she was here. gen, whatever happened to you? fuck give me a call! miss mohit.. i miss jhoy. and.. there. oh, and i miss joice too. heheh, of course. billlyryan crossed my mind just at this moment. how i miss the old tbloggers.. :sigh:

gotta go now. toodles!

***
vanessa will be leaving at the end of this month. 
she's still here, but i miss her already...