There’s a lot of changes that’s been happening around lately. Much of the changes that have taken place in my life.

Two weeks ago I have had to say goodbye to my best friend. It was hard. I didn’t come to take her to the airport though. Dammit! I can’t. I could even hardly bear to imagine seeing her leaving. You know; the parting time, the moment you have to say your last words, I mean not necessarily that, but the thought of losing her, and that when will you ever see each other again.

Of course I felt guilty. How could I be so stupid! But you see, I’m not really the type of person who shows concern. It would take me a lot of courage to say “I Love You” to a friend or to anybody close to me, even a goodbye kiss or a hug. And take note: even if I know that’s the least I can do for a person. Argh!!! And I curse myself for that! I can relate to Samantha in the series Sex and the City. There was one episode where a mother of one of their friends died and the two kept thinking ways on how to console their friend, and she.. nothing! She didn’t bother to just give her a call to say I love you, I’m here for you.. and when they finally see her at the church and she felt it’s her turn to say something, all that she ever blurted out was, “you look great!” Laughs! Oh, but I don’t think I could do that!

Going back, I’ve always had this feeling like I’ve known her (my best friend) for all my life. Uh, we were high school pals. We belong to one group in freshmen but not until we became classmates again in senior high that we really got to know each other well. We both used to say, “why only now?” We knew so much time had been wasted…

You know the feeling like when you really love the person you know a lifetime is not enough to be with them. I dunno what’s with Joey but she’s certifiably (to borrow a term from Korina) one true friend. I have a very high regard to this person. Simply one-of-a-kind. That’s why when she left, she took away with her the biggest part of me. Somehow things hadn’t been the same.

It’s difficult when the thing that’s giving you enough strength & one of the reasons why you keep struggling on to live is gone. But on the other hand, I know she’s just there. All those memories we’ve shared through out the years, the laughters & tears that were shed, the ups & downs (times when you actually thought of giving it all up), every tidbits & tiniest reasons of why you still keep holding on… everything will never be forgotten no matter what, no matter how. And that’s certain.