Oh well, how time flies! It's already 2006.. Heck! I can't really describe the feeling. Or maybe I'm just dumb and numb?.. Whatever.. Looking back, it was as if most of my decisions were like haphazard. But just as the year was about to end, I was able to encounter new experiences. Like going out with friends more often and going to places I've never been before. Not that I'm beginning to be a party animal.. LOL But we'll see.. :D

Think it's more appropriate to say that the time has come for me to get out of my shell. Oh yes.. And like most of you, I'm also looking forward to whatever this year has yet to throw.

Happy New Year!! Love Ya'll!

(how bout some Bon Jovi in here.. It's actually Have a Nice Day ;))

I ain't gonna do what I don't want to,
I'm gonna live my life.
Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice,
Standing on the ledge, show the wind how to fly.
When the world gets in my face,
I say, Have A Nice Life!

Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet


I've got one hand in my pocket

And the other one is flicking a cigarette

I couldn't describe what I'm going through right now. Have you ever felt that? Like you're so full of emotions and you know you have to release it even just by writing, but it seems you're lacking with words to best describe that feeling? And to complicate things, you don't even know what that 'thing' is..

More often than not I find myself confused with alot of things. Just like this very moment.. I couldn't tell whether I'm happy or sad. Or maybe I'm happy. Just that am afraid the feeling might be in a jiffy. I can't explain but I love the feeling. I've never felt such tranquility.

I knew I've also been so apathetic the past few days. OMG, How could I be so harsh? I said I've been drained from that relationship when in fact the problem was on me. Even I did things without thinking of the repercussions. I might have reasons but still it was so selfish of me. But I admit, it was not that easy. They say you should always try to hold on to that someone you know will always be there no matter what, someone you know will still love you even when you fuck up, even might be the only person who'll love you the way you want to be loved. But i don't know. Maybe that's really the nature of things. Something may seem wrong no matter how perfect things can be. Whatever, i don't wanna indulge into thinking of something that already came to an end. Well I hope this is rather a start of a good friendship. Such a jerk! (Isn't that too much to ask?) I know you've suffered enough for the past two years (what a slap in the face) and I would understand if you're gonna curse me to hell. really..

But I have to thank you coz it seems to turn out quite all right. Well, enough of my trashy sentiments.. There are emotions too strong for words and should be locked inside instead, i guess..

Going back to the previous part of this post.. I'm not saying it's the reason why I'm feeling serene. Don't get me wrong. It has nothing to with that, ok! Am I being defensive here? (hahaha)

Let's just say I've been a slave of my ownself. It's hard to explain.. But I pretty much like myself now. I've seen both sides; I've been up and I've been down. And I no longer want to go back to that point of my life where everything seemed miserable. I've realized there's so much to smile about, even when things are nothing but a mess. Who said we can't be happy without being contented? That is just a state of mind. Does being contented stop you from sailing? Do we really need to have the things we wished for in order to be happy? What if destiny wouldn't permit us to have those things? Does it mean we're not entitled to be happy?

We can strive to be happy even without the things that we want to have in life. Go figure this; What if all your life you've waited for this person to come and fill you in. But for some reasons, it's just not meant to be. Your world would suddenly stop spinning, only to realize you have wasted time looking for that happiness that was always there all along. I guess we all have to realize that happiness doesn't come from anyone else but rather lies within us. It even sometimes comes through doors we didn't know we left open. Of course it's easier said than done. Personally, I've learned the hard way. And am still learning. I would stumble and fall but manage to just smile and laugh more often. I believe only God knows what would make us truly happy.. Why not treat everyday as the first day of the rest of your life; or could be the last..? Nothing will happen the same way again.

Haven't heard of this song for what seems so long now. Been wanting to have it in my player but I wasn't that familiar with the artist and the song itself. But good thing I was able to find it.. ;) Funny thought: Sometimes I think to myself, with my taste in music, I must have been born in the wrong generation.. Whatever. I so love this song! I keep on playing it over and over.. LOL

Right Before Your Eyes (Rudolph Valentino)
america

Every day I sit beside you
On the bus to Madison Avenue
Work in the big gray store
With the revolving doors

You don't even know my name
I guess that I'm to blame
Don't know the right things to say
So I pretend away

That I'm Rudolph Valentino
Pull up in my limousine
Oh, won't you come in out of the rain
Things'll never be the same

And then just like Greta Garbo
You stare like there's no tomorrow
And you'll know what I'm thinking of
Right before your eyes I fall in love with you

Do, do, do ...

Today I'm done with games (Today I'm done with games)
Gonna ask you for your name
Say I've been watching you
I even know what you do

Maybe today I'll tell you (Maybe today I'll tell you)
I've found the nerve to sell you
On a guy like me
Who wishes that he could be

Your Rudolph Valentino
Pull up in my limousine
Oh, won't you come in out of the rain
Things'll never be the same

And then just like Greta Garbo
You stare like there's no tomorrow
And you'll know what I'm thinking of
Right before your eyes I fall in love with you

Do, do, do ...

Right before your eyes I fall in love with you
Right before my eyes you'll say you love me to

Rudolph Valentino
I pull up in my limousine
Oh, won't you come in out of the rain
Things'll never be the same

And then just like Greta Garbo
You stare like there's no tomorrow
And you'll know what I'm thinking of, oo

Do, do, do ...

ok, i'll make this short coz i gotta do something. gotta stop burning brain cells! haha.. i realized after opening my site that most of the comments in my previous entries were gone! shoot! what the hell is wrong with tblog, ugh! i thought a friend did it coz i'm not sure if i ever gave my password to her (since most of the lost comments were from her), til i came to conclusion that those comments were from outsiders (those who are not a tblog member) hmm.. so there.. i've been wanting to leave here coz it would always fuck up. most of the people i got to consider friends here actually left (meadow, billlyryan, etc..)

nyway, i'm outta here! more later.. toodles!