what a bad day. our dog, Liam, just died this morning. I was awaken by that bad news from a neighbor that he was hit by a car. It was so sudden and I didn't think I was gonna cry for a dog. But Liam was so special, he was like a part of our family. Of course we have had several pets before, especially when we were kids. But I have to say he's the closest to us. He brought so much joy and laughter, and it felt like having him was like having the same responsibility as that of any relationship. They say if you wanna become a good parent, get a pet- that's so true. I remember how hard it was when he was growing up. We would try to always keep him inside the house since he always wanna go back to our neighbor who gave him to us. It was also of course a little costly since we, esp my sister, always buy dog foods and stuffs. We even sometimes allow him to sleep in our bed. Owning a pet is pretty much like having a child that you have to take good care of, I say to myself. There was even a time when he just disappeared for the whole day. My brother's work that time was graveyard so he leaves the house at 2 in the morning. Most of the time he'd take a walk since there's no tricycle during that time. He was already near the gate of our village when Liam suddenly appeared and seemed so relieved and excited that he saw my brother. I remember when my newborn-niece got home for the very first time, we noticed that Liam got jealous because of so much attention that we're giving my niece. You'd know if he has tantrums if you go near him and he would stay away from you. He can sometimes be so moody and sullenly aloof if he wants to. But he can also be sweet and has a tendency to seek for so much attention. There are times when he wouldn't eat what you give him, you have to literally put the food into his mouth. Sigh, I could go on and on, there's so much to say about our dog who became so special to us. I have to believe that a dog can also be a man's best friend. Maybe I'm just getting emotional but I don't know, something that involves few friends is happening lately that makes me wanna believe in that saying even more. Anyway, it's a quite different topic that I might post some other day. Bye!

It's 2 am and i just finished watching The Bucket List. It's been quite a while since I last saw a movie that really moved me deeply. It may appear to be a simple yet brilliant movie played by two of the equally brilliant actors, Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. And whenever I get to see a good movie I just have to go ahead put it in writing and make a review of it. However as i was watching it, it somehow made me realize a lot of things. Particularly life in general.

All of us has this 'bucket' that we need to fill in with things we believe that measure life. We wanna be able to experience just about anything. We may want to do different things individually, yet there is but one place it all lead us to- JOY.

I always say to myself, I don't wanna die without knowing my purpose. But are we all destined to know that? A lot of people die never realizing what they lived for and what truly measured their lives. In this movie, knowing that they're both counting the final days of their lives, Carter asked Edward two questions:

Have you found joy in your heart?
Has your life brought joy to others?

In most situations, we may find it dumb to even care about it. Why give a fuck if we know we got all the time in the world? I guess because true enough, when you face the finals days of your life, it's all that would really matter.

In my life, there are a lot of things I regret I did. And some I keep doing like i've never learned from them. But if you come to think of it, it's better to regret on things you did, than to look back and regret on things you wished you did while you still had a chance.

Some may not have joys in their lives at the moment, but who knows along the way, by being brave enough to just do the things we want to do, we may figure it out before we finally kick the bucket. For all we know, we can find the joy in things we dare to do, no matter how big or small it is.

So let me end this by scribbling things i wanna include in my Bucket List and you may also wanna do the same. I guess the bottom line of it is we all wanna end up like how Carter and Edward did in the movie, when they closed their eyes, their hearts were opened.

my bucket list:
-get a tattoo
-live independently
-end a relationship/friendship that's no longer healthy
-reunite with old friends
-find me a man!
-go to orphanage
-have a kid
-learn an instrument
-walk around the house naked (i always do this. but only when i'm alone :d)
-kiss a total stranger
-laugh till i cry
-bungee jump
-go to el nido
-write a novel
-dance in the rain with someone
-tell my parents i love them
-make love under the stars

.:: and the list goes on...

Few days ago, I signed up in multiply and posted this entry yesterday. But I figured why not put it in here as well. I just tried multiply since it has more features but I guess I'd still be using tblog since this is where I started. So there.. to tBloggers, friends, lurkers, everyone.. Happy New Year guys! Of course this year, like the others, will have its share of joy, sorrow, loss, laughters and tears. Still, have a great and fantastic one! :)

Today's the last day of the year. How time flies.. I don't actually look forward to the coming year, instead i'm thrilled in a way. Thoughts of commiting the same mistakes in the past and repeatedly doing things i should've completely gotten over with frighten me. Nevertheless, this has been a wonderful year for me. Of course there are some regrets. But it's not that it wouldn't left me with something I can smile about and be thankful for. Blessings overflowed. I've got accomplishments, one thing I could think of is that I got regularized in work for the first time. I got promoted and recognized, something that made me regain my esteem and convidence that I can do so much more. I've laughed. I've cried. I've loved and been loved and cared for in return. I realized a lot of things about myself and life in general and I've seen the real world. I realized that sometimes no matter how much you've given it might not be enough. It's also true that no matter how hurt you are, the world wouldn't stop and cry with you. But there's nothing wrong with taking a moment, sometimes you really have to hide and live in your so-called world. We always say life is often unfair, but I came to realize that it was me who's being unfair to it. I've been too easy on myself. I always live life on the edge never thinking about my every action's outcome. That's always been my problem, dealing with myself. There's so much I wanna do in life but sometimes I feel that i could never make it happen, it's like I'm stuck in a moment i couldn't get out of (sounds familiar, huh?)

Anyhoo, I'm trying to accept my fate. If this is really it (which I hope not) I'm learning to love the things I do and the job I have. I just have to think there are other people whose lives are more miserable than mine. Or maybe what matters is how you look at it. Being in the company I'm currently at had me gained a lot of friends as well. Looking back, I would have to say I'm still soul searching. I know it's gonna be a continuous process. It might be a long winding road and not having a clearer vision of the future can be downright scary. But I'm getting there. Somehow I get to deal with myself. I don't easily get depressed and I have lessen all the whining. It's true that there are things that are more important than anything else. Happiness that you wouldn't get from any material thing.. Love of family, friends, and the special feeling of having someone to love. As per The Biscuit, "If you think back and replay your year, and if it doesn't bring you tears- of either joy or sadness- consider the year wasted." Guess I don't have to consider mine wasted...

yesterday just after i finished my lunch and not having much to do, i decided to go online to while away the afternoon. i was supposed to have a date with my friend eric but something came up. it was a good thing since i chance upon ate fairy.. oh gawd, how i miss our 'ate sally' heheh.. we talked for like 20 mins, well not bad since she said internet is pretty expensive there in bahrain. we talked about her job hunting and her cute litol kid. (umm.. not quite since she mentioned her baby's getting more bigger) she said she'll update our site and will send photos soon. right now it seems she has a lotta things goin on there. of course i told her what has been happening since she left. the chat was basically catching up on things she's been up to, and vice versa..

to uhg people, just letting you guys know ate sally's doin great and she wanted to say hi to everyone!

btw, you can still send her sms thru her old number..

**this post should've been for yesterday***

hi there! sorry for i am unable to update this blog on a regular basis.. anyhoo, just this morning after our work we all went out to have breakfast. that's what we're doing these past few days.. i hate the thought that by next week, we would be shuffled to different teams. i knew it's gonna happen sooner or later it's just that it's hard to let go of someone whom you've shared your life with. we've been together for six months now but it feels like we've known each other for a very long time. we have shared good times and bad times, have fought for one another, we've been through hell and back! and while we were having breakfast a while ago, we realized this might be the last week that we will all be together. come monday, we'd have different schedules and teams and even though we've just got regularized there's no guarantee that the company will let us stay in case we don't make it to certification. it sucks!

so there, little did we know we were reminiscing of the things we've been through, those friends we've lost, our future plans, and fears.. that's what i hate the most. you would gain friends from school, work, but you know it's not gonna last forever.. there will come a time when all of you will need to go on your own. i hate feeling nostalgic as well as the fact that no matter how you look at things, there's nothing you can do. there are things that are out of your hands and will definitely lose your grip no matter how tight you hold on to it.

anyway, this post might be continued since we have planned a reunion this saturday. it will definitely be a blast.. and a lotta tear jerking moments..

.:current song thank you by dido